Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Signs for Hope ASL-Immersion Family Retreat 2016!

WHEW!!  That was a lot of work!   And FUN!





Worth every minute of it!



Matthew 18:5, “Whoever receives a child in My name, receives Me.”

Plans for next year's family retreat have already begun with lots more volunteers ready to assist!  Praise God!


It is funny...God's will. Sometimes it is exactly what we think it is, but often it is not anything like we think it is.

This family retreat was "in the works" for over 3 years.  Families adopting deaf children were begging to get together and then hearing families were begging for help with their ASL learning. 

I prayed! Others prayed!  I shared and searched and searched some more and thought the doors would open here or there, somewhere, but they did not.

Until...this past October 2015.  The contract was signed in early November and I let our SFH board members know the dates, immediately. Somehow, I thought they could all be a part of this first ever SFH ASL-Immersion Family Retreat, but it was not to be. 




I have had three years to plan and re-plan, in my mind, our first SFH family retreat using much of the training I have received over the past 3+ years relating to children who come from "hard places" and also attending a Joni & Friends Family Retreat as a STM (Short Term Missionary) three summers ago. 

When God did not open the way for all our SFH board members (general and/or advisory) to join us, I just kept moving forward. How could I not?  The need was great! 

We were so blessed to have two SFH board members, one advisory and one general, join us and their commitment and sacrifice to do whatever asked was encouraging and so needed.

Maybe I was hoping He had a plan for others to join me, in time?  I never really considered abandoning this years family retreat, even though I knew things were not going as they should, having a detailed plan in place, on paper not just in my head, and a full team of volunteers to help facilitate every detailed part of the plan. 

Psalm 10:14, “But You, O God, do see trouble and grief; You consider it to take it in hand.  The victim commits himself to You;
You are the helper of the fatherless.”

I KNEW there would be many unfinished plans, lack of clear communication, especially as the date for retreat grew closer.  There was NO WAY I could get everything done and in place in time. We just did not have an adequate number of volunteer staff. Yes, the framework was there for all.  And everything I wanted for the hearing families to experience was in place, i.e., bringing these families together and providing an ASL-rich encouraging environment for all.  However, as the details and volunteers for the children's program did not match the number of children families both deaf adopting families and our Deaf support families were bringing...YIKES! 












No, I never wanted to do all this all myself.  Are you kidding me?  I already have plenty on my plate to keep me on my toes, every single day. 

I do know how to delegate when I have volunteers ready, willing and able.  God has gifted me that way.  I have planned and organized events well on this scale before, but I had dozens of volunteers from the beginning each with a skilled leader I knew personally as their guide, in place in plenty of time.

So why did God allow these inadequacies to go on for our first family retreat? Why did He not provide what we prayed for...adequate volunteers and Deaf support staff?  Why were all our SFH board members not able to join us? 


Isaiah 1:17, “Learn to do good; seek justice, reprove the ruthless, 
Defend the orphan, plead for the widow.”

Some would say it was because this was just not HIS timing for our family retreat, we should have only moved forward when we had every person needed and in place to do so.  I would tend to agree most of the time with that thinking, as it has biblical foundations.  And that is my approach for our 2017 family retreat.  I am a firm believer in the orderliness of our God and His desire to do things with great quality and not just halfway. 

However, this time I believe it was to spread God's vision for SFH beyond those already involved.  God did provide some willing Deaf volunteers, at the last minute--His perfect timing--some with no experience at all with adopted children whatsoever and some who had adopted deaf children.  Those who had no experience with adopted children learned much in the three days they interacted with our hearing families and their adopted deaf children and they want to come back next year for more, as do the others. 






Intermediate ASL class for hearing parents who have adopted Deaf children.

Helping educate His Church one-by-one in how they can obey the command to 'care for the orphan' (James 1:27), when not called to adopt, is always on our radar.  Giving them the opportunity to see how different it is to raise an adopted child, especially one with deafness and no language prior to coming home, helps them connect with and support these families in ways they never could had they not "done life with them" at family retreat. 

In addition, the staff at Bonclarken Conference Center, the place for our first family retreat, went above and beyond to accommodate and serve us in every way.  This began with our initial visit there in October and continued throughout the retreat. Had this not been such a good fit and partnership, with so many uncertainties surrounding our first family retreat, I suspect I would have been easily tempted to cancel this year's event.

There were no expectations placed on us for providing the specific number of folks joining us until about 10 days prior to the retreat and then we were granted flexibility to add folks right up until Thursday at check-in. Which we did.  We were not required to pay for anything we did not use.  $200 held our dates from November and they would not even accept a partial payment one month prior to the retreat saying we would settle up the week after retreat.  THIS was the most tangible reason why I continued to push forward fully knowing our staff insufficiencies.  ONLY GOD!

Yes, discussions are ongoing for next year's family retreat and folks are volunteering to fill in those vacancies of leadership.  I now know them and together we will make improvements.  As soon as the dates are secured and a contract signed, we will begin promoting family retreat 2017 fully for volunteers and families.  Praise God!

Now, allow me to share some very interesting facts surrounding this year's SFH ASL-Immersion Family Retreat!



Asheville Deaf Church joined us for worship on Sunday and our children were eager to learn the signs to the song, Jesus Is Champ!

Ten hearing families joined us from five states with their hearing biological children and their adopted deaf children.  One family had multiple adopted hearing children, as well.  These families brought twelve deaf children who were adopted from China, Poland, India and the US Foster Care System.  We had six hearing couples. One couple is in process to adopt their first deaf child, one was a hearing single mom, one was a hearing dad attending without his wife and adopted deaf son. They are missionaries in the Philippines, their deaf son is Filipino and mom and son were still in the Philippines. And one hearing grandmother took a hearing dad's place. 

Yup!  A hearing grandmother is learning ASL to communicate with her two deaf adopted grandsons. 


James 1:27, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress. And to keep oneself unpolluted by the world.”

Our 4 Deaf families (support staff) who have adopted Deaf children and biological children, served either in the children's program or in our hearing parents program each morning and evening.  We had a Deaf grandmother of one of our Deaf support family's join us, as well.  And the hearing mother of one of our Deaf support staff brought her therapy dog for all to love on.  

We ended up with 65 children ages 16 mos. to 17, with the majority of the children being 7 or under.  Many of our older hearing siblings became "helpers" with the younger children.  There were some great blessings observed with this. 

Next year, I am praying we have a 3 to 1 ratio of adult volunteers to children and ample space to spread them out appropriately, with additional volunteers to facilitate the behind the scenes activities as needed.




Our own family and friends support staff, some local and some not so local, were invaluable in their support and help.  No they do not know sign language.  Their support began even before set-up on Thursday morning and included grilling Thursday and Saturday evenings meals, baking cakes, decorating and/or serving for our parents special event, driving golf carts to transport things and people, to the clean-up after Asheville Deaf Church joined us for worship and lunch on Sunday.  You guys were great!

What would we have done without each of you?!?!

There are three ways you can help us prepare for next year's family retreat. 

You can thank God for what He allowed to happen at this years family retreat.  I shared many of our hearing families comments and photos in our May/June 2016 PrayerLetter here

You can join us in asking for God to continue to provide the needed volunteer staff and the needed donations specifically for our SFH ASL-Immersion Family Retreat 2017. 

And you can ask Him if He wants you to join with us next time. 





Matthew 25: 45, “Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of the least of these, you did it unto Me.”




Wednesday, May 11, 2016

"So You Want to Adopt a Deaf Child", Part 13 of...


This post has been on hold long enough.  This is #13 in a series entitled, "So You Want to Adopt a Deaf Child?"  There are many more just waiting to be written, completed and shared.

To be linked with the other 12 start here.

 

Deaf Adoption...REALITY CHECK!!

Part 13 of...

Yes, I have covered much of this in previous blog posts, beginning in June of 2014.  But the ongoing day-to-day challenges and frustrations that our Signs for Hope families face, who have adopted children with deafness, mandate the need for this redundant post. 

This often comes from the new families who have adopted deaf children God connects to us sometimes on a daily basis and sometimes in crisis. 

Do not!  I repeat...DO NOT...adopt a deaf/HOH child thinking this is going to be easy!

Technology does NOT make this easy!  In fact, I believe it makes it harder! 


I will dedicate an entire post to support that opinion with research, soon.

Even if you are ASL-fluent, this will NOT BE EASY!


Adoption Agency Staff...PLEASE DO NOT tell your families, "The deaf/HOH child is an easy special needs adoption."  If you have not checked in recently with your own families who have adopted deaf children, do so.  See how they truly are doing, before you proceed with any additional placements of children with deafness.

Deafness!  No family!  No formal natural language exposure!  No formal education exposure!  

A
deaf older child fluent in another sign language and then placed with a non-signing or newly signing family!  Please, do not do this, please!!
And if that is not enough...


Trauma - possible in utero, during birth mom's pregnancy! 

Trauma - possible during labor & delivery, premature birth, early hospitalization! 

Trauma - from institutionalization & abandonment, lack of nurture & neglect!  


Add to that...

The very real probability of multiple abuses, verbal (truly the nonverbal body language since they cannot hear), physical and more often than I care to think about... sexual abuse.


All of the above have great impact on the brain's development, or lack thereof, of adopted children with deafness.  Research is growing in so many of these areas relating to deaf children, especially those who have been abandoned and institutionalized with no exposure to an environment of natural language learning of any kind during that critical period, that first year of life.

Since some of you are thinking this, I will go ahead and mention it. 

If by some miracle the deaf/HOH child you are seeking to adopt was abandoned at a older age you may be thinking they MIGHT have received that initial nurture/bonding in their birth family's home, prior to abandonment.  Even if they did, the shear challenge of dealing with abandonment can negate all that.  And their deafness has prevented them from being exposed fully to a spoken language whereby creating that great deficit during the first year of life. 

The brain is the central command center for every system within the human body.  God designed it in such a way that "connection" with others is the fuel it needs to develop uniquely according to His plan.  Research now proves even babies between the age of 4 and 6 months recognize language over non-language and choose to turn toward it repeatedly.  Removing  "connection" through neglect, lack of nurture and lack of natural language exposure leaves challenges for a lifetime.



I recently completed an online course at Gallaudet University, offered by the Linguistics Department and will be sharing the incredible research related to the above in the near future.

The reality is, these many challenges require many years of tireless devotion by adoptive parents to help their adopted deaf child(ren) to reach their greatest potential socially, emotionally, academically, mentally and spiritually.  Often this comes without much effort or commitment from the deaf child(ren) themselves.  Lack of self-motivation by their adopted deaf child(ren) to learn and achieve successes is a common complaint among our families.   



The delays in exposure to language because of deafness brings with it cognitive, emotional and social deficits and delays, which can lead to a variety of disorders in these areas.  Often times these cannot be fully overcome, no matter how much opportunity and time is invested for such. This research is based on children with deafness born to hearing parents, not those coming from abandonment and/or institutionalization backgrounds.

Even after deaf children have been "home" for as long as 5 years parent's expectations for improvements go unmet.  One of the hardest realities for parents is keeping an accurate perspective on the "real" age of their adopted deaf child.  The chronological age of the deaf child is so far removed from their real behavior-age, which is usually much less than half their age in months and years.
 

One way of keeping this more realistic is to ask families and then remind them often to think of their deaf son or daughter's birth date as being the first day they bring them "home".  Keep in mind though, they are not a "blank slate", but rather this child already has deficits and delays, since they have never received what God intended in utero and from birth on, naturally...full nurture and full language.  And they have survival skills you and I will never understand, fully.

This is why I stress the need for families to be fully convinced this is God's plan, not theirs before adopting.  This is why families who proceed with the adoption of a child with deafness must have a strong support system securely around them.  Even then, we have families who tell us that support system they thought was in place, was not in reality and disappeared once they brought their son or daughter home. This is not only those who can identify with them in the challenging adoption process, which is lifelong, but it is a support system that can and will support them in the deafness aspects, as well. 

If you are a believer and you are reading this post, no matter if you are seeking to adopt or seeking to place a child with deafness...PLEASE pray before you proceed and pray every time. Do not trust something just because you have always thought this way or that or done it this way or that.  Joshua made assumptions about God's plans for attacking Ai on the heels of his miraculous win in Jericho.  Thirty-six Israelites died because of Joshua's lack of seeking His plan, His way.  And there was disobedience to deal with, as well; sin in the camp.  You and I must seek Him constantly when making decisions of this magnitude.

Let me pose a few questions for which I do not yet know the answers, fully:

Is there a BETTER way?


Is the trauma adoption causes equal to the trauma of no adoption
, at times?


AND

When is it "BEST practices" to support deaf children in their own countries in "family homes" with the $25,000+ it costs for one international adoption?

I am not asking you to do something I will not be doing, as well.  I will keep on asking, seeking and knocking until He gives me the answers and all for His glory! 





 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding; 

 in all your ways acknowledge Him,
    and He will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6
  





Monday, April 25, 2016

BECKY'S WORLD BAZAAR!


WHAT - Becky's World Bazaar! 
 

Shopping for special treasures from around the world for
Mother's Day, birthdays, or "Just For Me Day"!

WHERE
- 149 Churchill Downs Drive, Fairview, NC  28730
WHEN - Friday, April 29 & Saturday, April 30; 9:30 - 4:30 each day!
WHY - I am helping our hearing families who have adopted Deaf children & our Deaf Staff (short-term missionaries) raise funds to attend our  first annual Signs for Hope
ASL-Immersion Family Retreat June 2 - 5.
My travels have taken me to the Dominican Republic, Bulgaria and Vietnam since my last open house in November! 

I have many new treasures to share with you!

And we will certainly accept your donations, which are always tax deductible!


Donate securely here on the blog or mail a check of any amount to: Signs for Hope, PO Box 460, Fairview, NC  28730
Note:  If these dates and times are not good for you, I will make private showing appts. after or before these hours.  Just ask! 

beckyblloyd@gmail.com    828-691-2581


Monday, April 11, 2016

Short-term Missionary Needed - ASL instructor/tutor in Honduras!

ASL-fluent Short-term Missionary Need!
 
1 - 2 year commitment in Honduras!
 
 
Join a hearing missionary family as they begin their Spanish language learning in Siguatepeque, Honduras later this year.  They have multiple biological and adopted children and one of them is deaf, so this little one and his hearing family need help learning ASL while on the mission field.   
 

 
Requirements:  Two years teaching ASL and at least 5 years immersion in the ASL community. 
Please submit your detailed resume' asap to becky@signsforhope.org for consideration.
You will need to raise your own support. 

Please share this need with others!  

Friday, February 5, 2016

Deaf Adoption for the Harrison Family - $750 SFH Matching Grant!!

HELP  BRING  EVAN  HARRISON  HOME!!

 
Evan - 23 months old, China

                  Signs for Hope - $750 matching grant! 


For each dollar received Signs for Hope will add a dollar to match it, up to $750.  
                                                          
                                                     
   Total - $1,500!! 


Kris and Anne Harrison live in Walla Walla, WA with their 3 biological children and Evan will make their 3rd adopted child.




 

Our son’s name is Evan. He is 23 months old and was born with bilateral atresia. It basically means he is missing his little ears. Our family has committed to love him and become his advocate. For the last 6 months we have been working with a private tutor learning sign language and preparing our family to bring him home. While we have a long way to go, we are beginning to understand the unique calling before us and the beautiful, courageous community of the deaf and hard of hearing.

But more than anything, we want Evan to feel the warmth of our loving arms around him and to help him heal the wounds in his heart he doesn’t yet know he bears. We want to step into his loss and help him carry the load as he grows into the man God will have him become. Our heart’s desire is to stop the lie that he is not worth fighting for. Because he is.  Our family knows first hand that lives that can be saved by saying yes to adoption. We have seen what love and time can do to heal wounds and hearts.

We have raised $33,000 thus far and are still needing to raise about $7,500 for our travel and incountry expenses. 

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Travel approval was received today, by Kris and Anne and they will be picking Evan up in less than 3 weeks!

Please join with Signs for Hope in bringing Evan home to the Harrisons!   Click the "Donate" link above or mail a check payable to:

Signs for Hope, PO Box 460, Fairview, NC  28730.

                       God places the lonely in families.  
                                          Psalm 68:6