Pain & Suffering...His plan? Part 1

I am beginning a multi-part posting today on a topic that I have been working through for quite a while.  Not sure when I will post the additional parts or how many parts there will be.

Pain and suffering is a topic that many of us try to avoid until we or someone we love are forced to face it. This is one of those things that my mind tends to play with from time to time as I watch those around me deal with it. Rarely, have I had to deal with, what I would call, pain and suffering.  Many books have been written about why good people suffer bad things and many conversations, of believers and non-believers alike, revolve around why would a "good" God allow pain and suffering.

Obviously, as usual, our opinions and musings about a topic, as such, can easily be influenced by what "we think" is right or wrong and not necessary what God has established as right and wrong. Trying to mold our skewed thinking to align with the righteousness of God's thinking is a life-long challenge for the follower of Jesus Christ. The only way this can be done is by becoming immersed in scripture and then allowing it to permeate our thinking and by obeying the command "to take every thought captive to become obedient to Christ".  Obviously, God knew our thinking would not align with His, naturally, but would have to be trained to do so.

Do we really have to have an answer for everything? Or in this religion of Christianity, which is supposed to be faith-based, can we not simply accept some things at face value trusting in God's sovereignty, because of His character and His plan? After all, He is the creator of all and we are simply one of His trillion plus creations. 

I am convinced our humanness is the reason for our relentless pursuit in wanting an answer or reason for everything. We want to explain away any mysterious misunderstandings about our God, so we can present Him to others, and ourselves, as completely rational--humanly speaking--in all His actions.

I don't know about you, but I certainly do not want God, the omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient--the  infinite Holy God over all creation--to fit into my human thinking which is sinful, self-centered, finite, and focused, almost solely, on the here and now.  Will we EVER get that God is so much bigger than we can EVER comprehend?  I don't know about you, but the more I think I learn about our God, the bigger He gets and I begin to realize just how very little I truly know about Him and understand Him and His ways.

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“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
   neither are your ways my ways,”
            declares the LORD.
 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
   so are my ways higher than your ways
   and my thoughts than your thoughts.
                  Isaiah 55:8-9

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.   Ephesians 3:20-21

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.”   Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.   Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”   As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil.  If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.  James 4:13-17

Back to the past

It was the summer of 2003.  After completing the 2-yr Interpreter Training Program at Blue Ridge Community College (BRCC), I knew my ASL skill was not what it should be.  There was a 4-yr ASL Studies program offered at Gardner-Webb University (GWU), with an interpreting minor, and a 4-yr Deaf Education program at Lenoir-Rhyne College.  Both were about the same distance from my home—in opposite directions—about 140 miles round trip.  

Rachel had graduated from high school in May of that year, but Joseph was a sophomore in high school and very involved with after school activities. I didn’t want to miss any of them.  I really struggled to decide whether or not to continue my education, especially so far from our home.   But God…  (Don’t you love…But God?  That phrase is all through the scriptures.)  But God…confirmed that I must three times within two days during that summer. My preference was the program at GWU (remember ASL Interpreter was the goal), but I had to pass an ASL skills test before I could proceed.  I really doubted I could pass the test, knowing my limitations.  I registered for the test and was amazed that I did pass it and felt that was the final confirmation from God for me to be there at GWU.

Rachel had been seeking God’s plan for her college decision and He lead her to Gardner-Webb, as well.  I certainly did not want my decision to attend GWU to negatively impact her college experience, so I asked her if she would be opposed to my attending GWU at the same time she was there.   She instantly said “no” reasoning it was a big campus and we would probably never see each other.  That first semester she asked me to take her to lunch at least once a week.  I was thrilled to be able to see her that often.  The weekly lunch was something we enjoyed throughout our college years together.  We never had classes together, but several of Rachel’s close friends and I had classes together.  Rachel confided that felt a little strange, sometimes.  

So I embarked on more education on a real college campus, at the age of 44—70 miles from my home—with the vast majority of the students being college-age appropriate.  This was much different from the community college campus where older students were much more common.  The students at GWU accepted me without any questions and I became “Momma Becky” to many of them.  I quickly, realized that my time at GWU was not only about gaining increased ASL Skill and knowledge of the Deaf Community, but it was also about impacting the lives of the students that sat in the classroom with me. Needless to say, they had a great impact on me, as well.

I knew the classes at GWU would be more academically challenging than the classes at the community college level, so I registered for only one class my first semester, ASL III.  The class met MWF.  My instructor was Keith Cagle.  Keith is Deaf-of-Deaf (that means he was born Deaf to Deaf parents) and has recently received his doctorate in Educational Linguistics.  Keith was strict, but it was obvious he loved teaching.  Teaching is Keith’s gift!  What joy it was to be in his class with a true teacher.  There is no doubt God wanted me to be under Keith’s ASL instruction.  I have no doubt my desire to continue to improve my skill and continue learning about the Deaf was influenced greatly by Keith Cagle.  I missed an “A” in that class by only 2 points.  Keith’s grading scale was stringent and an “A” was 93 – 100.

I never took “a full load” of classes at GWU, because we could not afford the tuition.  Remember, Rachel was also a full-time, living-on-campus student and Joseph was attending Asheville Christian Academy.  Our support of Christian education through the years seems to be unending, as we are still paying on Rachel’s college experiences.  What a great investment!  

 I did take advantage of GWU’s willingness to accept a limited number of classes from other approved educational institutions, so during my first three years at GWU I took classes on 4 different campuses, 1) GWU – Boiling Springs, NC;  2 & 3) AB-Tech – Asheville and Transylvania campuses;  and 4) Online classes – my home.  In addition, during my 2-yr. community college program, I attended classes at Blue Ridge Community College (BRCC), distance learning classes (for BRCC) at AB-Tech, on the UNCA (University of North Carolina Asheville) campus and on-line classes in my home.  My college career—which spanned more than 8 years (3 at BRCC and 5+ at GWU), including all summers but one—was split between 5 different educational institutions, plus my own home for on-lines.  Whew!  What was I thinking?  God knew all along how those years would prepare me for the future.  Needless to say, I became very familiar with all the different campuses and with my new bff (best friend forever), my computer, something that would prove to be invaluable to me, in my research in the future!

One of my favorite "But God..." verses.

"When Joseph’s brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, “What if Joseph holds a grudge against us and pays us back for all the wrongs we did to him?” So they sent word to Joseph, saying, “Your father left these instructions before he died:  ‘This is what you are to say to Joseph: I ask you to forgive your brothers the sins and the wrongs they committed in treating you so badly.’ Now please forgive the sins of the servants of the God of your father.” When their message came to him, Joseph wept. His brothers then came and threw themselves down before him. “We are your slaves,” they said.   But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.  So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them."  Genesis 50:15-21

God's Will

In honor of Joseph's 24th birthday, today, I decided to repost this blog entry from January 2012.  Joseph is a lover of hiking the 14-ers in Colorado, mountains whose crests are greater than 14,000 feet elevation.  So thankful it is God's responsibility to protect him, or not...and not mine.  I have added some of Joseph's own pictures from his trek's across God's awe-inspiring creation over the past few months. They are incredible!

Sunrise at Long's Peak  09/23/12

Well, Joseph’s 10-day Christmas visit home flew by.  My life, pretty much, revolved around him while he was here…so thankful my schedule is flexible like that.  Charles was able to take off some from work and be with us, often, as well.  We were also able to spend some extended time with Rachel and Marc— because Joseph was here—and that was good, too.  

We had not seen Joseph for more than nine months.  The last time we saw him was during his spring break last March.  He graduated from college in May.  At his request, we did not attend his graduation…he said it was too costly and he was not planning on “walking”.  He then moved from Fayetteville, AR to Denver in early August.  During that time I cherished the few times we got to talk with Joseph by phone.  We did text with him regularly, but there is just something special about being able to hear his voice.  

Sometimes when you have very little contact with your adult children (Joseph is 23) you wonder if they are still following their Lord or not…or at least I do.  There was no evidence that Joseph’s focus had changed, but…  Thankfully, for some reason, God does not allow my mind to dwell on thoughts like those—but they do come in, from time to time. Yesterday, Charles shared with me, as we drove back from taking Joseph to the airport, that he had “lost” Joseph on Monday afternoon.  I was out and the two of them were home together.  He said he looked in his room, downstairs, our bedroom…no Joseph.  Then he looked in the room where he does his daily Bible study.  Joseph was seated in his daddy’s chair reading his daddy’s Bible.  Priceless!

Trekking up Long's Peak

One morning, at the age of 4, Joseph announced to us that he had prayed and asked Jesus to come into his heart the night before.  We did not doubt his decision as he knew full well the “plan of salvation” even at that early age.  He followed through with baptism when the Lord convicted him to do so.  

While Joseph is all boy, and has always been, I noticed at an early age a tenderness for others.  I prayed he would not lose that tenderness as he grew and the Lord has answered that prayer.  

Joseph LOVES people…especially those oppressed and in need.   His heart is tender to their neediness.  We saw this manifested during his high school years when, one day, he began sorting through our coat closet asking could he have this one or that one.  He was planning to give them away to the homeless people living on the streets in downtown Asheville.  It was not uncommon for him to go downtown and hangout with the homeless.  

Trekking up Pike's Peak two weeks ago!

In college, one of Jo’s (Joseph’s nickname from kamp) good friends was in need of some desperate financial assistance.  Joseph somehow became aware of his need, and called home to see what we thought of him meeting this need for his friend— anonymously.  Joseph had money in savings that could alleviate this burden for his friend and he certainly didn’t need it as much as his friend did.  These are only two instances that we are aware of, where Joseph’s tender heart was so visibly exposed.  Joseph also has a strong heart for the orphan and still believes God will use his life some way to support them in their plight. 

Joseph’s main reason for moving to Denver has diminished but he has fallen in love with the city of Denver and the surrounding landscape and would like to stay.  His degree is in social work, but he has been unable to secure a job in that field—honestly, he has been unable to find any suitable job at all.  He has applied at grocery stores, restaurants, Starbucks, etc.  He was given the opportunity to sell insurance—commission only—but, he decided this was just not his ‘cup of tea’.  He told us yesterday that the next logical step would be for him to get his masters, but he has no idea how he would pay for that.  Apparently, he has the option of completing his masters in a single year if he had the funds available for it.  Please join us in asking God to reveal to Joseph the next step in His plan for his life. 

Added 9/26/12 (Joseph's 24th Birthday): Not long after the above post, the Lord opened a door for Joseph to begin working at Chick-Fil-A in the Denver area.  Still, not what he wants to do with his life, but it does pay the bills, sort of, and he LOVES the people he works with. 

God has also provided him the opportunity to coach soccer, this fall, at a large Christian high school there in the greater Denver area.  These are just two of the things God is using to prepare Joseph for the future.  I have no idea what God's plans are for Joseph, but for now, he is right where God wants him to be.   

The Rocky Mountains - Long's Peak

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Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.  Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.  Romans 12:1-2

2012...JUST DO IT!

When I told my men last night that I was blogging, Joseph quickly pulled it up on his phone. When he saw the length of my blog for the day, he shook his head and said, “Way to long, mom!” Then they both began to make fun of the fact that I am a very “wordy” person and my emails, newsletters, and whatever else are always “ six pages in length.” I simply told them I had a lot to say and God had given me all those words. They just laughed even more.

Today’s blog will be short and sweet…sort of. I will return to “His saga” later in the week.

Today, the second day of 2012 I want to ask a few questions. Hopefully, these questions will help you (and me) be able to focus more deeply on our Heavenly Father and His plans for each of us in 2012. Keep in mind; I am challenging myself with these same questions and scriptures.

1) If you could change one thing about your relationship with your Lord, what would it be? Change it, in 2012!

Because of this, since the day we heard about you, we have continued praying for you, asking God that you will know fully what he wants. We pray that you will also have great wisdom and understanding in spiritual things so that you will live the kind of life that honors and pleases the Lord in every way. You will produce fruit in every good work and grow in the knowledge of God. God will strengthen you with his own great power so that you will not give up when troubles come, but you will be patient. Colossians 1:9-11

2) Is there something from the past that you promised God you would follow through with, but haven’t? Do it, in 2012!

Anyone who knows the right thing to do, but does not do it, is sinning. James 4:17

3) Is there someone dear to you, who does not know the Savior? Pray for that person daily, in 2012!

Pray continually, and give thanks whatever happens. That is what God wants for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:17-18

Whatever your answer is to the above questions…”Just Do It!” Make 2012 the “Just Do It” year. Do not procrastinate. Do not justify. Do not accept compromise. Do not allow the Enemy to deceive you by causing you to think it’s too late, or that God just doesn’t care. JUST DO IT!

The saga, His saga, continues.

Blog posts two days in a row...setting myself up for failure, for sure.

Today is the first day of the new year, 2012. My boys are multitasking on either side of me. Both are reading –Charles the Sunday paper and Joseph a book—while watching the NFL games. It has been so good to have Joseph home for the past 10 days. I could get used to this. He flies back to Denver on Tuesday and we will hopefully fly out to see him in March. He will launch back into the job search when he returns to Denver, so please pray God will open the door for a job for Joseph in Denver, or that God will show Joseph where and what is His next step for him.

Back to the story... the year was 2000.

So, after some research I found a local community college that offered an Interpreter Training Program (ITP). It was fairly close (about 30 mins. from my home) so I registered for classes; they were all day classes, as I did not want to miss any precious time with my children during their school years.

I have to admit that returning to school at the age of 41was daunting, to say the least. It had been 23 years since I had taken a college class and now I would be taking all the necessary classes the ITP degree required, since none of my previous college credits transferred.

When classes started the fall of 2000 I soon found that I was not the oldest student in the ITP classes and I was able to, fairly quickly, get back into the routine of reading, taking notes, and studying. As far as the ASL (American Sign Language) classes, I was surprised at how many of the signs I remembered learning from my one ASL class I had taken as a 17 year old at the University of Tennessee in Knoxville. The vocabulary was not the problem, but the correct way of producing that vocabulary with the appropriate non-manual markers (ASL grammar) was very challenging. I practiced constantly.

In college, while dating, Charles and I both decided to take an ASL class (but not at the same time), since I had hereditary deafness in my family. We figured should we get married, and we planned to, it would not be out of the question for us to have a deaf child. I am not sure why we thought one ASL class would qualify us to parent a deaf child, but...

Dr. Jerry Seale was the instructor for the ASL classes at UT, back then. I am so thankful that I had the advantage of a true ASL class and not a SEE (Signed Exact English/Seeing Essential English) class. Of course, at the time, I had no idea there was anything but ASL. I know many ASL students who have struggled interminably because they thought they were learning ASL, in the beginning, only to find that in reality it was SEE, or some form of SEE. Trying to break those SEE habits and change to ASL is not an easy task.

Jerry and my mother and grandmother were fast friends. My maternal grandmother and grandfather were Deaf, but my mom was hearing and the oldest child. My grandfather, William H. Chambers, died in 1953 before I was born, but as a child, I was taught all about him and the legacy he left at the Tennessee School for the Deaf in Knoxville. Since my mom was the oldest hearing child it was natural for her to became the family interpreter for my Deaf grandparents at a very young age. She confided to me several times what an overwhelming responsibility that was for her.

One would naturally think that I would have learned ASL from my Deaf grandmother. I do remember, as a very young child, running to the knees of my grandmother to practice the manual alphabet and some basic signs with her. However, I also remember as I grew older I stopped this practice. It is sad to say, but I assume I became more fascinated by other things than signing with my grandmother. I NEVER had a meaningful conversation with my grandmother that I can remember, before she died.

I mentioned yesterday that there was a specific question during my BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) study, in the fall of 1999, where God really caught my attention that He meant business for me to return to school. That question was, “How can you trace the hand of God throughout your life?” As I read that question I was instantly reminded of several specific ways God had His hand on me through the Deaf. First, was the legacy of my Deaf grandparents, second, he reminded me of a comment Jerry Seale told my mother after I completed his ASL class at UT 24 years prior, and third, was God moving our family to a church with a Deaf Ministry. 

Of course, God alone is the one who gave me my Deaf heritage through my grandparents, my Deaf aunt and uncle and their four Deaf children—my cousins. God is also to credit for the impression and comment Jerry Seale shared with my mother about me after completing his ASL class—“She has...the gift!” I had no idea what he meant then and in 1999 I still did not know. I just knew that if I had some sort of gift, it had to be from God. And only God could lead us to a church with a Deaf ministry whose director was none other than, Joyce Smith.

I finally had the opportunity to reconnect with Jerry Seale in 2009 at a Deaf marriage retreat. I knew him instantly---that pony tail is unmistakable. Yes, Jerry has had that pony tail for as long as I have known him—more than 35 years. Once I reminded him who I was and began signing to him my story of returning to school, learning ASL, and becoming involved in Deaf ministry he told me, “You have the gift!” I did not ask him what he meant, so I am not exactly sure what “the gift” is, but what I do know—IF I have “the gift”--whatever it is--it is completely from God. Part of His hand on my life!

Note added February 3, 2013:  Last month, I met with Jerry again and I finally asked him what he meant by "the gift" .  Nonchalantly he responded, "The gift of deafness inside you, even though you are not physically deaf."  Still unsure what all this means, but ultimately sure God does and pray He will use it for His glory alone! 

To be continued...

Some of you say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to some city. We will stay there a year, do business, and make money." But you do not know what will happen tomorrow! Your life is like a mist. You can see it for a short time, but then it goes away.  So you should say, "If the Lord wants, we will live and do this or that."  But now you are proud and you brag. All of this bragging is wrong.  Anyone who knows the right thing to do, but does not do it, is sinning. James 4:13-17